District 9: 3 Betty Stars

Okay, so as of August 2009, "District 9" has made it up to the top 50 "Best Films Ever", at least according to some mystifyingly-credited ranking on IMDB (the Internet Movie Database).

Take that for what it's worth,,,

"Inglorious Basterds" is currently ranked 10 slots higher than "District 9"...and "Basturds" is definitely not 10 slots higher anything than "District 9", not 10 slots higher story, not 10 slots higher filmming technique, not even 10 slots higher acting (and that's pitting "District 9's" FX actors against "Basterds" live-action actors).

That said, anyone who needs to see "District 9" in the theater will never even read this review because 1) They've already seen "District 9" in the theater", and 2) They don't give a damn what I say because who the hell am I and what do I know about science fiction?

Yeah, it's that kind of film.

"Stop right there!  I'm with the GOVERNMENT, yeah?  See my badge?"  "Click blurp sclorp sklurr!"

So this review is for those of you who, like me, didn't wait in line to see trailers for "District 9" at Comic-Con and are thinking that maybe, possibly, if there's time, we'll catch it in the theater if it's still playing in a second-run first-run region somwhere (like Oxnard), or, whatever, just ordering it from Netflix sometime next year in hopes of upping our chance at winning the office Oscar pool.

In other words, normal earthlings.

So I'll say right now that I liked the film okay, but just know that whatever you hear about "District 9", whether you actually see it, just hear people talking about it, or only ever read lame blogs about it, all you need to know about it is this: "Christopher".  He's an alien, sure.  He's creepy, yeah.  He can't even think without waving his tentacles.  Ew!  He's ugly, I can't disagree.  He's the ugliest guy you'll ever want to know more about since David Cronenberg's film version of William S. Burroughs' literary version of the cockroach he saw the day he had that really bad acid trip.

...but you'll LOVE him!

Which is what makes "District 9" so much fun!  Kiss, kiss, Christopher!!!

"District 9" star "Christopher" (animated by Weta Workshop, voiced by SA's Jason Cope)

Plot: A nerdy bureaucrat ordered to relocate a bunch of irritated aliens from one nasty ghetto to another nasty ghetto becomes the center of a secret military plot, forcing him to choose between creepy aliens and his own creepy government...Guess which side he chooses!  Crazy futuristic robot v. human mass murder/SciFi philosophical pathos ensues.

To Its Credit: Exec Produced by New Zealand's Peter Jackson, the Kiwi director I want to breed with who brought us "Lord of the Rings", "King Kong", "Dead Alive", and the biopic that introduced a fetching, evil Kate Winslet: "Heavenly Creatures"; Special Effects by Jackson's own Oscar-winning FX lab Weta Workshop.

Pluses: Because the film is designed to look like a documentary, it creates the most scrappy, detailed, realistic aliens you've ever seen on film, so fine an artistic stroke, in fact, it even makes up for the film's lame third act.

Minuses: By the end of the film, explosions steal focus from the characters you've grown to love.

You'll Like This Movie If You Liked: Alien Nation, I Am Legend, Die Hard, Mad Max, Cirque du Soleil.

I Say Rent It: The finest feature of this film is its heart, and that won't lose much on the small screen.  Plus, the DVD might have some awesome "making of" commentary tidbits about Christopher, so I say rent it.  In the meantime, enjoy "I, Robot" starring Will Smith, directed by the imaginative Alex Proyas ("Garage Days", "Dark City"), and based on stories by Isaac Asimov, a highly creative film that seems to have been overlooked.